Personal Problems
by WOKgeotobi
Summary: The cullen children have been arguing one to many times and Carlisle is getting conserned. Will his plans to make them become a happy family work?


_**Just a random thing I made because I haven't made a twilight fan fiction yet. Please please please comment! If you do I will give you Edward Cullen's underpants!**_

_**Disclaimer: Actually, my dad's cousin's grandmother's dog walker's next door neighbour's catalogue deliverer's husbands' brother's cat, once got stoked by Stephenie Meyer, so I would like to think I had some part in the creation of Twilight. (No, just kidding! my dad's cousin's grandmother's dog walker doesn't have a next door neighbour XD)**_

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**In the main living room**

'Oh Jazzy poocky pie, my darling sugar muffin' Alice cooed at Jasper, cuddling up to him on her bright pink leather sofa.

"Oh Alipoo, my gorgeous honey bunny cuddle cakes fabulous sweet cheeks" Jasper said loving back.

Edward and Emmett sat in the corner of the living room trying to ignore Jasper and Alice's lovey-dovey remarks about each other, which to say was very hard. This had happened every year, ever since Alice and Jasper had first met.

Every Valentines day they spent the whole day with each other, gazing into each others eyes and going out together, making lots of loving remarks about each other.

Emmett on the other hand spent valentines day like every other day, doing sod all. Just like Edward, up until recently. He was going to meet Bella later in the day. But what really annoyed Edward was she didn't want any fancy cards or presents or for him to take her out anywhere special.

Edward hated the fact that Bella didn't like being spoiled. He went of in his thoughts of buying her hundreds of flowers with diamonds attached to them and giving her the finest Champaign chocolates made by the greatest chocolate blender in Russia. But all she wanted was a hand-made card. A god damn card!

Emmett suddenly got up. Edward came out of his daydream and looked around. His attention was drawn to Emmett walking across the room, up to Japer. With no hesitation he put his finger in his mouth and then strait into jasper's ear.

Jasper stopped mid sentence and toppled onto the ground from the sofa, rolling around in his own fits of 'EEEWW'ing.

"DO YOU TO EVER GIVE IT A BREAK?! I MEAN," Emmett put on a slightly higher pitch voice, imitating Jasper " _Sweetie sweetheart my love pumpkin baby darling sweetie pie baby doll my little cabbage love of my life gngel beloved hearts desire precious princess!!"_

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! HAVE YOU NO TRACE OF MASCULINITY!?" Emmett Screamed. A smile came across Alice's face. See stared at Emmett for a long time, her smile only getting bigger and bigger. Edward knew what was coming next and hastily ran out of the room before Alice exploded.

Edward stood hunched outside the room. His back up against the wall. He covered his ears in hope it would help, but his attempts were futile. Alice let out a large battle cry and pounced on Emmett screaming.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU BASTERED!"

"ALICE! PLEASE! I'M SORRY I, OWWWWW! NO STOP! STOOOOOPPP!"

"YOUR DEAD EMMETT!"

"NO, PLEASE ALICE. NOOOOOOOOO!!"

Edward slumped down in front of the door, hands over his ears, when the door opened and knocked him onto his side. The noise was suddenly 5 times magnified. Jasper stepped out from behind the door slowly and accidentally stepped on Edward. Edward, being in a bad enough mood already, grabbed Jasper's foot and tripped him over.

Jasper, halfway through falling, swivelled round so that he landed on his back. Putting his arm to one side he pushed himself up into a kneeling stance.

"What the hell was that for!" Jasper yelled at Edward. A smile played at Edwards face.

"_Nothing_" Edward replied. Edward stood up and offered a hand to jasper.

Jasper hesitantly decided to take it. Edward suddenly let go and Jasper fell back on the floor again with a large thud.

"That was NOT funny!" Jasper yelled while Edward laughed his head of.

**In Esme's and Carlisle's room**

"Esme, can I talk with you a moment" Carlisle said quietly.

"Sure thing honey, what is it?"

"Well, do you get the feeling that the kids don't get along well?"

"No. why?"

"Well, think about it. We have a vein blonde that always bitches about everyone and everything. We have a confederate who still has a grudge against Yankee Americans, and obviously gets the most bullied, as well as having lack of control of his urges for blood. We have an emotionally repressed son who you favouritise over the other boys because he's your first son, making the others jealous. We have a rather violent daughter who is over protective of her husband and feels that everyday is a day for shopping. And a son who can't help but to get into an argument over anything he possibly can."

Esme looked over at Carlisle. "I see you think very highly of your children?"

Carlisle ignored her and carried on with his rant.

"And they are ALL from different eras and have different believes. I mean, a south American used to war, a highly religious boy, a part Irish American, a girl that doesn't even remember her past and a posh princess from the bloody great depression."

Carlisle looked at Esme with big puppy dog eyes.

"But Carlisle darling, theirs nothing you can do about that."

"Well, I think we should hold a family meeting"

Esme pondered the thought for a moment.

"At the hospital, my office happens to be right next to the Child therapy section. I must admit most of the kids that go in there are 5 year olds, but I'm sure I can bend it to our children."

Carlisle bent down on one knee a kissed Esme's hand. Esme was deeply concerned whenever Carlisle did this because it was usually because he wanted her to do something she didn't want to do. Esme eventually gave in and Carlisle smiled like he had never smiled before. Esme knew it meant everything to him to keep his family together and happy.

**In the dinning room**

A large oak table sat in the middle of the room. It was large enough for 10 people to sit at. Carlisle and Esme sat either end of it. Edward, Rosalie and Emmett sat on one side while Jasper sat on the other. Rosalie and Emmett held hands under the table.

"Is anyone going to tell us what's going on here" Emmett whined at Carlisle. Carlisle ignored him and continued gaining as much interest as possible from a spec of dust in the corner of the room.

"Jasper darling," Esme spoke softly "where's Alice?"

"She said she was just getting ready."

"Oh, okay" Esme went back into her silence.

"Hey wait a second, getting ready, why would she want to get ready?" Emmett said to Jasper across the table.

"I don't know?"

At that exact moment Alice walked in though the door. She was wearing a stylish pink mini-dress that sparkled in the light, blue straps hung of the dress down to her knees. Shiny blue high heeled shoes were on her feet and her hair had a single pink ribbon tied in it.

"Uumm. Alice dear, why are you wearing that?" Carlisle said, slightly concerned.

"Jaspers going to take me out to dinner"

"Am I?

"Yes you are!" Alice glared at Jasper through a layer of blue eye liner. If Jasper had been able to take a step back at that point he would of.

"Ummm... Yes! Of course I am! Whatever was I thinking?"

"I'm afraid it will have to wait Alice," Carlisle started "This is a very important meeting"

Alice sat down in the chair next to Jasper and sulked.

"Yes, well, now none of you know why you're here so…"

"I do" Edward interrupted.

"Well of course you do you can read my mind but…"

"I know why were here as well" Alice interrupted again

"Well yes, that because you can see the future but…"

"Can we just hurry up… I'm getting rather bored!" Emmett boomed over everyone.

"IF YOU WOULD ALL JUST LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE! FOR GOD SAKE! THE NEXT PERSON TO TALK I WILL TEAR THEM TO SHREDS!"

Everyone stopped talking and stared at Carlisle.

"Thank you!" Carlisle said "Now, the reason you are all here is because I feel this family has some issues with each other"

Carlisle looked around to find that for once he had everyone's attention.

"I have been looking on the internet and have found some activities that we can play together. I think the first part of getting our family together is to see how much we know each other."

Esme took over from Carlisle at this point.

"We are going to play a game called the pig game"

Emmett let out a burst of laughter.

"HA HA! the pig game! That's funny!"

"Emmett this is a serious topic"

"OK, OK, I'll be quiet!

"Ok, first we need paper for all of us, Jasper, go get some paper"

Jasper looked at Carlisle with an annoyed expression.

"Why me?"

"Because you the middle child."

"Why does that mean _I _have to get the paper!?"

"Because that's the middle Childs job. The oldest one is the one who we call superior and the youngest one is always the favourite. The middle child's job is to get the blame for everything and to pick up after the other children, Dur."

"What!? But... That doesn't make any sense! I'm not event he middle child, I'm older than everyone here, even my own mother! I should be the oldest!"

"But in human years you're the midlist!"

"No I'm not! I was the same age as Emmett when I turned!"

"But you look younger than him! Now shut up and get the damn paper!"

Jasper got out of his chair and walked across the hallway. As he got halfway down the corridor everyone heard a loud smash.

"Well, now that that's sorted let me explain what we are going to do, you are going to draw a picture and I don't want you to show anyone the picture," Carlisle said "I want you all to draw me a pig."

Jasper cam back into the room with some paper. Reluctantly he gave one sheet to everyone and gave everyone a pencil. Everyone started to draw.

Edward's POV

Everyone started to draw.

I Put the pencil onto my paper and started curving my lines with beautiful elegance. I swished and flicked the pencil with such greatness it would have blinded the most all seeing person in the universe. I had finished before everyone else and laid my pencil down on the table.

To put my pig into simple words, it was crap.

I had accidentally given it 5 legs. And at the time I thought it looked like a good idea to draw details on the pig but with my artistic talents it looked more like I had scribbled all over it. Also I had forgotten its tail.

God blessed me with the gift of being a genius and having amazing musical talent. But when it came down to it. I sucked at drawing.

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Alice's POV

Everyone started to draw.

Drawing was fun!

I drew an adorable little pig with big shinny eyes and little adorable ears. I added a bow on each ear and on its collar.

I remembered back to last week went I was watching 'my little pony' and drew stars and love heart tattoos all over it. I also added ribbons onto its curly whirly tail. He he! It was SO cute!

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Emmett's POV

Everyone started to draw.

Mine was really simple but took forever to draw because I kept snapping the pencil lead. In the end I drew 2 circles for the head and tail and drew 2 stick legs. Then all I needed was to draw an eye. I couldn't be bothered to draw the other one because everyone was watching me, waiting for me to finish.

Jaspers POV

Everyone started to draw.

My pig looked like it could have come strait out of Leonardo Da Vinci's note book, it could have been stuck in the background of the Mona Lisa and it would have blended! I had tonal shaded it to an inch of its life. One thing that gave me comfort was the fact that before I joined the army I went to art school. I knew that all those years of being constantly bullied as a child for being a pansy would pay of one day. Even if it was drawing a pig because my family though I needed therapy.

…hey, wait a second

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Rosalie's POV

Drawing that pig was a beauty hazard! I almost broke my nail! Not to mention I hate pigs… they don't even taste that great! I felt a little hungry when I drew it so I drew a piece of bacon…

…I like Bacon

I know it means that my picture can't be properly assessed but, meh, this thing is pointless anyway.

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Carlisle frowned at the pictures in front of him. He looked at the pages of internet sheets he had gathered and came to the conclusion that it made no sense at all. But then again… nothing ever did so he might as well try it.

"OK kids! Try to guess who drew this one!" Carlisle held up the picture of a piece of bacon.

"Emmett." everyone said. Even Emmett, who up till this point wasn't listing to a word Carlisle was saying, thought this was just another game that involved saying his name, said Emmett.

"Are you all sure?" Carlisle said uncertainty, looking at Rosalie's name on the back.

"Yes"

"Umm… OK then" Carlisle put a little sticky label on the picture saying Emmett on it.

Next Carlisle held up a perfectly shaded and amazingly drawn pig.

"Edward" everyone said before Carlisle had even held it up properly. It was a good job none of the others could see Jasper's face at that moment in time because he looked like he could have torn Edward in half 3 times over. Why was it _Edward _always got the reputation of perfectionist? _HE _just got all the credit for _HIS _work! Bloody favouritism.

While Jasper silently fumed, Carlisle held up the next pig. It had bows all over it and even though it was done in black and white you could almost drown in the imaginary pink coming of it.

"So who do you think drew this one everybody"

There was some quiet debating but they eventually came to the conclusion that Rosalie drew the picture. Next Carlisle held up Emmett's interesting variety of circles and lines and it was decided that Jasper drew it.

"Fucking bastards I'm going to kill the next bloody person who…" Jaspers threatening whispers where silenced by Carlisle asking everyone who the last pig was, To say the least, Alice was greatly insulted by being given Edward's picture.

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**Guess what, I just spell checked this and reposted it after god-knows-how-long because of the cringe-worthy grammar. For all the lovely people who read this before it was spell-checked, I am truly thankful and hope your eyes didn't bleed too much.**


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